Why are you such a hater?

I’m not sure how to tackle this one, it could go anywhere. Consider that your fair-warning. Today’s topic is things I hate. No, I think a better description is “an analysis on why I hate certain things”. There must be some categories. But I want to focus on the category of things I hate that I suspect might have some attraction to me deep down. Or maybe I see them in myself and I don’t like it, which is why I can openly hate it in others? Those two answers are not the same. Oh boy, not off to a good start. This could go anywhere.

What is an example of something I’m talking about. What comes to mind are certain behaviors I’m able to pick out in other people. And I think, in my heart of hearts, they are in me too and I know it, and don’t like it. On a sidetone, heart of hearts? This is not how I speak in normal life. I don’t know who’s voice that was, and who I am trying to impress by using it. If that did impress you, leave a comment below!

Self-promotion bothers me. I see that a lot on social media. People very clearly trying to cultivate a certain image. I think this is pretty effective, or has been in the past at least. People will emulate the people they want to be. The people they want to be will see the similarities, and often respond to it favorably since they are biased towards their own characteristics. So self-promoting, or cultivating a certain image is a sensible strategy. Why does it bring forward such a strong emotion in me? One, because I absolutely have done it myself, and continue to do it. One person in high school called me a chameleon once when we were in some type of argument. I brushed it, but that was a pretty insightful observation and cutting insult at the same time. Well-played. I have switched characters many times depending on who I was trying to impress or appease. And it must have worked or why would I have continued to do it? But it definitely raises some questions about my character. And if I was looking back at someone else doing what I have and still sometimes do, my review wouldn’t be favorable. So I get enraged when I see the behavior and similar tactics being enacted in others because it forces me to face the fact that I am equally guilty. Who needs a psychiatrist!

What’s another one. People who are extremely self-interested, greedy, take more than they put in, take shortcuts. Like most people, I do not like these traits. But if I’m being honest, I am guilty of each and every one of these. Wow, I am starting to feel bad writing this entry. A long-standing joke I have with my best friend from college is that my philosophy is “it’s all about me”, and I taught it to him. For him he considers it beneficial since he skews so far to the opposite side of the selflessness scale, but I don’t. I’m just greedy. And the shortcuts I’ve looked for, and taken in my life. Oh lord. I don’t want to get into it, but in high school one of the cornerstones of my at school personality was shortcuts in various forms. And I think the effect is the same as what I noted above. When I see these traits in others, as shown through their actions, it forces me to deal with my own transgressions which is painful. So I hate them even more for it!

In writing those last two paragraphs, I just had a thought. I want to take a little detour. We have time, don’t worry about it! Seeing the negative behavior in me triggers anger and resentment. Maybe I should try to train myself to feel empathy for the other person as an alternative? I don’t think it makes much sense for me to be angry at someone else for doing things that I also do. That would mean that I would be self-loathing? Maybe that’s another problem to dive into at a later date. I’m a basket case! But getting back to it, I think changing my default from anger to empathy would not only make more sense, but also hopefully improve my mood.

There is another category of things I hate that isn’t as internally conflicted. And just to be clear my examples above aren’t comprehensive, the goal is simply to provide some color for the analysis. The next category is disrespect, taking advantage of kindness, power dynamics, etc. In this case there is a true contrast. I try my best to follow the golden rule. Treat others as you’d want them to treat you. I don’t think I nailed that verbatim, but you get the drift. I go out of my way to treat people with respect, and leave them feeling better than they did before our interaction. But obviously this isn’t always reciprocated. And that gives me a feeling of indignation – how dare they! Indignation isn’t a word I would ever use in a conversation either for the record, but I like how it fits there so why not! I’m also leaning pretty heavy on the enthusiasm here with the exclamation points – what’s happening here!?! I’m just going to cut this short and take the advice from my epiphany above. Try a little tenderness? How about empathy, that would be better. I don’t know what’s going on in their life, and what they are experiencing leading into our encounter. They could follow the exact same golden rule I do, and have a 99% hit rate. Don’t judge so harshly based on the limited information and limited encounters. But if you get a large enough sample, then you know maybe judgment is ok? I don’t know.

Another category I hate is when I see people continually making the same mistakes. Not being able to anticipate. Issues arising from haste. I don’t think these actions alone warrant being hateful. Does any action warrant it actually? Woah, I need to contemplate on that. What bothers me in this category, is the knock on effects. People make a mistake once, it causes an issue. Ok, that’s not ideal but things happen and people can’t necessarily be blamed for things they don’t know or haven’t been exposed to before, so it’s understandable. But if it happens again, and again in a similar pattern? Then it’s the lack of adjustment that begins to bother me. Maybe it’s the same as above where you need to see the pattern unfold at least a handful of times before you should hold it over someone’s head.

I hadn’t ever really thought of it this way, but I hate things that have a bad effect on me. It really is all about me! I’ll amend that slightly, I would also hate things that have a negative effect on others too. I’m not that selfish. But the idea is the same. Somebody doing something unfair, inconsiderate, mean, physically damaging with an effect beyond them. They are either unaware or ignore the effect, which implies they are ignorant or think they deserve more than me or others. How dare they

Maybe a final category is personal preferences. What does that mean – foods I hate? Ok, I can work with that. Maybe it’s the pressure, or because it’s later in the evening and I’ve lost some mental sharpness, but I can’t think of a food I would say I hate. A specific type of food. Of course I could hate anything if it was prepared very poorly, but I am trying to think of one specific food I can say I hate and I can’t. Maybe chocolate covered dry fruit (oranges, apricots, etc)? What a weird one! I don’t like those, but I must be able to do better. Maybe lots of overly-processed foods that you find in frozen sections? I actually like the way a lot of those taste, but I hate them more from a nutritional standpoint. I’m re-reading this before posting and I really can’t believe that I can’t come up with a food I hate. But it’s true. Maybe this is a positive – I’m not picky.

Ok, I want to wrap this up. I hate things, and there are categories. A big category of things I hate remind me that I have qualities in myself that I don’t like. That hurts, which makes me lash out. I should instead try to reduce the prevalence of these behaviors in my present-day life, and try to be more empathetic towards others. Who am I to judge when I do the same things! The rest of the stuff here is pretty shaky to be honest, so if you choose to disregard I understand.

Thanks for reading and I will talk to you all again tomorrow. 43 Minutes. 1569 Words.

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